I think just after I hit 18 is when I really even began to question it. I had always thought I was straight, and due to a lack of interest in dating, I had never really faced myself with the question. But then I started to develop a crush (and certain other feelings) towards a woman in my life… and I was thrown into the deep end, not really knowing what the heck was going on. Looking back on it, it was pretty hilarious.
It took me a while to come to terms with it and to actually be certain of what I was. I was never homophobic, so I wasn’t horrified by this turn of events. I simply was really confused because it felt as if it came out of nowhere. One day I was straight, and the next I was having the hots for this girl? What?
I started looking back and and tried to remember all the crushes I had had over the years. At first I could only recall having crushes on guys. Pretty bad ones at that. haha But then I also started remembering all those girls I had taken a liking to. And how I often was incredibly shy around them, how they made me go week at the knees, how I had butterflies in my stomach whenever I glanced at them. I know sometimes even exclusively heterosexual and homosexual people develop crushes on people of genders they aren’t normally attracted to, but realising that I had had crushes on women just made feel like something started to click. It felt right, and it felt true.
Over the next year I became more and more confortable with this new side of my identity and it wasn’t long before I came across a definition of bisexuality that simply felt home for me.
“Bisexuals = people who can ♥ people of same gender as themselves + can ♥ people of different genders/gender presentations from themselves”
And here I am. It’s been nearly two years since I started questioning, and right now I am fully confortable with myself. I have yet to come out to my parents, but all my closest friends know. At uni, I’m more open about it - if someone asks, I answer without making a big deal out of it. I’m fortunate enough to be in a position where it really isn’t.
I’m thinking about coming out to my mom before the end of the summer holidays. Hopefully she’ll respond the way I imagine she will. Very nervous about telling my dad, though, since we don’t have a very healthy relationship.